Reflections of a Broken Man
by McPhantom
Summary: Dan reflects on his life after Karen tells him she's pregnant with Keith's baby. ONESHOT. Kan.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Uh duh.

OTH LOVEEEEEEEE.

"I'm pregnant."

My mind automatically flashed back to that day in the gym, the first time she uttered those words to me. The sounds, the smell, the look of fear in her eyes. But mostly the feeling. I could never forget the feeling I had when Karen had revealed the news that she was pregnant with my child. Fear, love, despair, excitement, tragedy. It all whirled around me again. Even though this time it wasn't mine, I still felt responsible, I still felt those feelings. I still felt love for Karen.

I was never sure why I left her. When she had first shared the news, I had just been a kid. I loved Karen, but I wasn't ready to be a father. I was ready to play college basketball. I was ready to get out of Tree Hill. But, after I left I felt regret. I knew that none of this was worth it, playing basketball for a college team, if Karen wasn't there to share it with me. I still waited, trying to forget her with a meaningless affair. But then there was the knee injury. I knew it was over. I could now go back to Tree Hill with no regrets. I could marry the woman I loved and we could raise our son together.

Then Deb called me, and I thought now was the perfect time to break the news about my future departure. But before I could get my news out, she gave me some news of her own. And before I knew it, I was saying the things I was supposed to be saying to Karen. I would be there for her, and our child. We would be together through this. I couldn't take it back. And just like my future with Karen was over.

When I received news that Karen was in labor, I dropped everything I was doing, I forgot about Deb and drove. I drove nonstop, all night long until I reached the hospital. I ran inside, and asked the nearest attendant for directions to the maternity wing, and then I quickly found her room. But the moment I touched the doorknob, I looked inside and saw my son of a bitch brother, with her. He was holding her hand, most likely offering words of comfort. At first, I wanted to barge in there and tell him to take a hike, because I was there now. But, for once in my life, I couldn't find the strength. I walked out and drove away.

I tried to acquire contact with Lucas, but Karen refused. She hated me for leaving them. I hated myself for leaving them. I loved Nathan, but I wanted to get to know Lucas as well. Keith was playing 'Daddy' to Lucas and 'Husband' to Karen. It made me angry. That was my son, and my well, Karen. I still loved her. I didn't love Deb, I settled for her. She was second best next to Karen, the love of my life.

Time went on, and things didn't change. Karen, Keith and Lucas were closer as a family than Nathan, Deb, and I would ever be. Sometimes, I would go and sit outside her café and watch them. Watch Karen and Lucas. I wanted to be a part of their lives so badly, but it was too late. They looked at me as some sort of monster. I could see everyone else growing to see me that way. Deb was complain and whine that I was pushing Nathan too hard, that the pressure was breaking him. I shrugged off the comments like they were nothing, and went on with my similar ways. I tried to ignore Karen, Keith and Lucas' existence, and focused on the dealership and Nathan's game. I wanted him to succeed so badly, like I didn't. I wanted him to have the chance that I didn't, so I pushed him.

The minute I heard Lucas was offered a place on the team, my heart stopped. It was simple to ignore them when I never had to see them, but with Lucas on the team, Karen would be at all the games, cheering on her son. Keith would be the most likely, also. I couldn't handle seeing them all the time. It was almost ironic, actually. I was the bad guy for leaving them, but they were happy. We were not. Far from it, actually. Deb had left me, and only returned for Nathan. I felt her and Nathan drifting further from me everyday. Everyone regarded me as a beast now. My wife, my son, my brother. I was a wicked creature, not to be trusted. Deb wanted divorce, Nathan wanted emancipation. I felt my whole world shrinking away, now only a distant memory and mirage.

I saw Karen more, and it was difficult. I tried to conceal my feeling by putting forward rude comments and offensive side comments, but I still knew how I felt. I could obscure my feelings during times of normality, but when I saw Lucas in the car on the night of that accident, I knew I had to do something. When the doctors asked me my relation to him, I answered, "He's my son". Something I had wanted to say about Lucas for the longest time was spilling out of my lips. The next day, when Karen walked into the dealership, my heart started racing. Was she going to slap me, yell or god knows what? I blabbed some excuse, but then she enveloped me into a hug. It felt so wonderful to have her in my arms again. It brought me back to high school, when she would jump into my arms after I scored the game winning shot. I just wanted to hold her forever, kiss her. But when she left I knew that it was last time that would ever happen to me.

My marriage to Deb was over, no matter how much I tried to hang on. This was something I had to accept. I always thought we could make it through until I saw her and Keith, asleep in front of the fire. Together, naked. I couldn't control my anger. I decided I was going to get back at Keith once and for all. Of course, this was put off by my heart attack. When I hired Jules, I didn't feel guilty. I felt like I was giving Keith exactly what he deserved. It wasn't payment for sleeping with Deb, it was payment for stealing Karen from me. And he did. I felt a warm sense of success when Jules left Keith at the altar. I saw his face. He was broken. Now he knew what it felt like to have the one you love taken away from you.

When Lucas came to live with me, I knew I was hurting Karen. And Keith. And Karen's new boyfriend Andy. He was with Karen, and for this I hated him. He would defend Karen in all she would do. I hated him. So I decided I would try to get him deported. Soon after then Karen ran into the dealership in a fit of rage, and I tried to tempt her, push her buttons. For some reason, when she asked me to 'leave her world alone', I felt the need to show her that she would always be in world. So I grabbed her hand and pulled her back, thrusting her skull against my face. She tried to pull away, but I knew that my strength was too much for her. I let go and she stared at me with a look of disgust. And then she threw a chair through my office window. I still can hear her spitting out the words

"Next time, that'll be your face."

So many people hated me then. Keith, Karen, Andy, Deb, Lucas, Nathan, Haley, Jules. The list went on and on. I never thought that someone would try to kill me. When I found out Lucas had pulled me out of the fire, I was surprised. He could of left me to die, god knows I deserved it. But he didn't. He saved me. I was grateful to him. He was a strong man, both physically and mentally.

Running for mayor was going to be a new start. I was shocked when Karen announced her candidacy, did she really hate me that much? She wouldn't trust me to be mayor? I knew I had done nothing to gain her trust. And then the ending was with Keith and the tape. Maybe I could make her realize what a horrible person Keith really is.

"Don't worry. Our boy will be okay."

He hugged Karen, and was claiming that Lucas was his son. He provoked me. This comment set me off. I went into the school, took the gun, and shot my brother. I knew that I had hurt everyone around me. But Keith deserved it. He slept with my wife; he tried to kill me. And, most importantly, he stole Karen and Lucas away from me. That was unforgivable.

Instead of coming to me for support, Karen came to me with words of anger. And then, on the day of Nathan's wedding, Deb revealed the truth: She had tried to kill me. I immediately felt my heart sink. My whole world had completely fallen apart. Truth to be told, it was already collapsing when I married Deb instead of Karen, but now I had lost both my sons, my wife, my brother, and the love of my life.

And now, Karen was pregnant again. Things were so different. Keith was gone, and it should be him raising this baby. I knew I had to help Karen now. I owed it to Keith. I reached out my arms to hug her, and she backed away. Was I now really that much of a monster, that she was afraid for me to even touch her. She looked at me with tears and fright in her eyes. I slowly pulled her body close to mine, and spoke softly

"I'm going to be there for you this time Karen. It's going to be okay."

What do you think? It seemed appropriate with all the Kan action going on right now. Let me know. Click that pretty purple button!


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